


Lego my Commando

by Arukou



Series: Tumblr Archive [39]
Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Implied sexy times, M/M, Nudity, Stony Bingo, This is really silly guys, really really silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 18:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7542856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arukou/pseuds/Arukou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AIM's got a new toy and they use it to make Steve and Tony into toys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lego my Commando

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://arukou-arukou.tumblr.com/post/136702354706/lego-my-commando).
> 
> For Stony Bingo prompt picture of the Cap and Iron Man Lego figurines.

“Cap! Cap, on your ten! Cap!”

Steve turned at Tony’s urging, hurling away a mutated monster and pivoting on his toe in time to see an AIM agent with some sort of laser. It was charging up, whining like Tony’s repulsors, and Steve had a feeling that that was a bad sign. He ran for the agent and the laser, and he could hear Tony hot on his tail, traveling low over the ground. But they’d both noticed too late. When Steve was five yards from the laser it discharged and the blinding light hit him like ten thousand volts.

Blinking against his sudden light-blindness, Steve squinted out from his mask. Had it not worked? He felt a little stiff, sure, but otherwise unharmed. But then his vision cleared and he got a slightly better read of the situation? A shrink ray maybe? Because the rubble that had been at his feet now towered overhead, and to his right an AIM agent suddenly appeared as a giant.

Steve tried to scramble for cover, but his joints weren’t moving as they normally did. His knees wouldn’t bend and he was stuck doing an awkward shuffle from the hips. He couldn’t even bend his neck to look.

Overhead, he heard Thor’s bellow. “Captain! Iron Man! I will avenge you!” Then Tony had been hit as well. Steve twisted to look over his shoulder and there was Tony, face-down and…strange. For a moment, Steve’s eyes and brain did not quite logically communicate, but when they did, Steve was caught between exasperation and horror. Tony was a Lego figurine. Which meant that Steve himself was almost certainly also a Lego figurine.

With a sigh, Steve turned and shuffled back to where Tony was struggling to push himself upright.

“Iron Man. Let me help.”

Steve realized he was still holding the shield, so he used it to lever Tony upright as best as his plastic waist would allow. Above them the battle raged on, but apparently they’d been forgotten by AIM and their teammates hadn’t yet realized what had happened. Nearby something exploded and pebbles rained down on them like some hellacious meteor shower.

“Cap, we’ve gotta get under…cover…” Tony said once he was finally upright and looking at Cap. “You…I…oh jeez. Gotta love Mondays.”

“AIM certainly does,” Steve replied and started herding Tony over to a promising block of debris that might shelter them from the worst of the battle. As they waddled, Tony glanced thoughtfully to where an AIM goon was firing rapid energy blasts at Natasha.

“I wonder…” he murmured, and then raised his little plastic clamp of a hand. A blue nobule appeared and started glowing and the familiar repulsor whine filled Steve’s ears. “How about that?”

Tony let fire and from the little plastic nobule light burst forth. The stream was smaller, of course, but no less powerful. It struck the AIM agent in the ankle and he cried out and dropped his blaster. Natasha was on him in an instant, her Widow’s Bite making short work of him. Steve could see her sharp eyes scanning the battlefield. “Guys, I think Cap and Iron Man aren’t out of play just yet. Falcon, can you scan the battlefield?”

“On it!” Sam shouted from overhead and then his shadow passed over them.

“Well?” Clint said as he fired five arrows into the armored AIM vehicle. Foam rapidly rose from its top, a gaggle of AIM agents trapped in the sticky goo.

“I’ve got something,” Sam said, “but you’re not gonna believe it.”

“We’re Avengers. We eat the unbelievable for breakfast.”

Sam landed just to the right of Tony and Steve and bent down, inspecting them. “Is that really you guys?”

“Hurry up and get us out of here!” Tony called up, waving his little repulsor light nubbin. Sam’s eyebrows kicked up an inch and then he reached down and lifted them both at once, cradling them carefully in his grip.

“Wasp?” he said, still blinking down at them with wide eyes. “Can you run an extraction?”

“Little busy, Falcon.”

“Then I’ll be back in ten. Cover my retreat,” he said, and tucked Tony and Steve into one of his utility pockets. “Sorry about this guys,” he whispered and then took off. It was like flying with Tony, but a thousand times worse. In the dark utility pouch, Steve couldn’t see a thing, and the swoops and banks made his little plastic stomach turn. That was another concern. Could they eat like this? Did they need to? Steve felt like he was breathing, but he couldn’t look down to see if his plastic torso was expanding and contracting.

“So,” Tony said, his plastic arm clinking against Steve’s, “better or worse than the body swap fiasco?”

And what did it say about Steve’s life that that was a legitimate question. He considered for a moment and then said, “Worse. At least with the Iron Man armor I could still move like me. Now I can’t even see my own toes.”

Tony hummed and kicked on his little repulsor to give them light. “And this feels like traveling coach,” he said, head swerving nearly 180 degrees, and that was perhaps the most unsettling thing Steve had seen in ages.

“Well, at least we have each other,” Steve murmured, raising and lowering his shield. It strangely still seemed to be made of metal. Maybe the vibranium was resistant to the laser? At the height of its arc, though, it gave a little wriggle and suddenly grew outward, its diameter expanding by at least half an inch.

“Well, that’s not a good sign,” Tony murmured, even as the Iron Man gauntlet suddenly expanded as well. “Falcon? Falcon! Falcon, do you read?”

“I don’t think our coms are working, Tony,” Steve said, and suddenly his entire foot grew until it wedged uncomfortably beneath Tony’s plastic feet. The swooping motion of flight stopped a moment later, then and light poured in from the top of the pouch.

“Here we are, guys. I’ll just…uh…That’s not normal.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” said Tony, whose head was rapidly expanding to the size of a ping pong ball.

“I’m just gonna…uh…I think the AIM tech is reversing all on its own, so I’ll just…yeah. Bye.”

Sam fled like Hela herself was on his heals just as Steve’s arm started expanding. He watched with sick fascination as the plastic softened and smoothed back into supple leather.

“Ugh, it’s like watching the fly,” Tony grumbled, shooting up by two inches. Quite suddenly his groin piece popped away and his…Steve averted his eyes, which was stupid, really. They were sleeping together and it wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before, but somehow this was just awkward.

“Really, Tony? You didn’t bother to get the undersuit on?”

Tony made an odd choked noise in his throat and then burst out laughing. “Don’t tell me you managed to pull on underwear considering how fast you were suited up after the alarm rang.”

“As a matter of fact—“

He could just see Tony smirking out of the corner of his eye. “Well, it’s nice to know we’ll probably grow back to our normal sizes.

“Tony.”

“It’s amazing how much you manage to say with a single word, Cap.”

A moment later, Steve’s spine cracked uncomfortably and his chest expanded to the size of a housecat. “Definitely worse than the body swap incident,” he groaned, dropping his head back as far as his partially plastic neck would allow.

Tony snickered again his arm suddenly long enough to reach out and pat Steve’s shoulder reassuringly. “Next time we have a Monday call, let’s just stay in bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://arukou-arukou.tumblr.com/) for more fanfiction and nerdery.


End file.
